Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Free Cone Day

Everyone get down to your local Ben and Jerry's at some point today for your free cone. We have to support our local businesses giving out free food, or they might start to think we don't appreciate them (and we wouldn't want that!). I'm partial to the Coffee Heath Bar Crunch, but obviously there are tons of tasty flavors to choose from. Mmmmm.

Where is your loyalty?

I've missed seeing Stephen Colletti on a regular basis. His short appearances on One Tree Hill and occasional picture in US Weekly because he used to date Hayden Panettiere (before she started dating Milo Ventimiglia, twelve years her senior [fun fact: he went to HS with my roommate]) just don't cut it. And now, onto the show!
  • They make entirely too much money - this house is fabulous. I'm sorry, there's a guest house?!? And a sun room? I need to be an MTV reality star.
  • Lo's shocked look when Lauren says Stephen is in town - Lo is totally the new Whitney with the expressions.
  • Spencer's always at the coffeehouse because he's unemployed. And lame.
  • Stephanie called out Spencer on family loyalty! This storyline is getting soooo old. Yes, you all hate each other and wish that nobody you knew would hang out with each other. Get over it already.
  • Again, their house is ridonculous!
  • Oooooh Audrina's face when Lauren questioned the Justin Bobby invite - classic. Combination embarrassed, mad, unsure, and, well, embarrassed.
  • Brody brought a juicer. Intriguing. And his new girlfriend seems like a complete wet blanket (but hot, obviously).
  • Stephanie is a liar - there is no way she actually thought that Heidi would be ok with her being at the housewarming party. But Heidi now sounds just like Spencer. It's eerie.
  • Stephen made it - and he brought...rice cakes? What the hell is that present?
  • I love that they always call Justin Bobby Audrina's ex. They are on more than they are off. And, look, haircut! I guess he needed it to get rid of all vestiges of lice.
  • Why is Lauren wearing a ponytail at her party? It's not even a dressy ponytail. Sigh.
  • Lauren looks really cute in that dress. The hair I'm a little less sure of. Braids are a tough look to pull off, and generally make me think of 8 year olds at ballet practice. I kind of like it on her, though.
  • Clearly they are on the outs with Audrina - not even visiting her in the guest house? Ouch.
  • Aw, poor LC - Stephen wants to keep it platonic and just friends. Crushed look on her face? Check. I think they should just have sex already and up the ante. I'm guessing they've barely kissed.
  • Lo is wearing a UCLA shirt. Which is only weird because she went to UCSB for a while ... I'd say at least a season (I mean, year). Is she in school now? Does she have a job? Will we ever have these great looming questions answered?
  • Here's the great thing about roommates. You get home from a date/non-date, and you get to chat with your roommie about it over ice cream out of the carton. That is precisely why I'm not jumping on the bandwagon to live alone. Eating ice cream out of the carton by yourself just seems a little sadder.
  • Next week: A puppy, Audrina wants to move out already, Spencer gets kicked out, and Heidi in Vegas?

Monday, April 28, 2008

Dumpster diving


"Your good friend has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic." - Miranda

Those of you who have know me since I first got myspace should know that a) whenever I take a SATC quiz, I'm Miranda and b) this quote was on my page for a while. I was reminded of this particular episode when I found this gem on Jezebel today. And I had the unfortunate reminder that I've tossed food away, only to later change my mind. And by change my mind, I mean stand over the trash can wondering if my tasty treat had touched anything that I should be worried about and whether there was anything in the house that would satisfy whatever weird craving I was having that was making me stare wistfully into my trash, or near it (sometimes if I can't decide if I'm done with something I place it near the trash). Usually, I'll decide that I can't throw away perfectly good food - after all, there are starving children in Africa/India/China/the south. Luckily, this is something I haven't done in a while (mainly because I stopped throwing food away, not because I let it stay in the garbage).

After this piece I started linking around to other, related, Jezebel posts. First, we discuss dumb things that people do to lose weight. This all came about from a Glamour article on "scary celeb diet secrets" where my personal favorite was "stay locked in the gym....and then LIE about it." Perhaps I just don't identify with this one. If I'm going to the gym, I'm bragging about it, not hiding it. But then again, I'm not a celeb with 24 hours in the day to do nothing but workout, Biggest Loser style. Having just watched my roommate go through the Master Cleanse (or part of it, anyway), I can join the Jezebel writers in mocking all of these silly weight loss methods (I hear eating less and exercising work wonders!). Oh, and the "not eating" option cracks me up because I have no clue how people do that. I love food. A lot. Plus, I have no willpower and I have issues with self-indulgence.

Moving on to Alli, the new weight loss pill that is supposed to work wonders. Having done my due diligence here, I found the side effects of this miracle drug:
"Treatment effects are bowel changes that are most commonly caused by eating meals with too much fat while using alli capsules. Such effects may include oily spotting, loose stools, and more frequent stools that may be hard to control.

alli works by blocking the absorption of a quarter of the fat in the foods you eat. This undigested fat passes through the body naturally, and it is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza."

Sorry about that; hope you didn't just eat. But wait, I researched more! Or rather, I let Jezebel do the researching for me. Basically, my theory that this pill is basically an oral enema was confirmed, and I was thoroughly disgusted. I'm a busy girl, and don't have hours to be hanging out in the bathroom. Especially at work, where I have co-workers. Lots of them. Also, my theory that with nothing in your system, you'll be constantly hungry. And as Jezebel says, "And if you could temper your cravings for food, would you be abusing laxatives in the first place?" Good point.

Also, what if you have no control over how your body decides to, uh, expel your waste? EW. Apparently, Tyra Banks may or may not have some type of laxative addiction. If you're carrying out spare clothes just in case you have an "accident" at fashion week, you might be taking too many laxatives. It's like the opposite of Elvis' problem where all of his pills (amphetamines and barbiturates if memory serves) caused him to literally be full of shit. Two hospitalized colon blockages in 1975? Gross.

Moral of the story: eat normal food, leave stuff you've already tossed in your garbage can, and get some exercise. Also, avoid laxatives unless you have a private bathroom.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Girls gone bitchy

I just heard that at a Catholic school in Brisbane, Australia, junior girls started what they call the "21 Club." Apparently you are ranked based on who is skinniest and prettiest, and thus fatties and the fugly are not included. Oh, the ranking is somehow worn on your wrist (bracelet, maybe?). Wasn't high school hard enough without the "hottest" girls essentially telling everyone that they were the hottest? Or, we could move on to my issue with this club: 21 girls! All in agreement, and in the same clique? That definitely doesn't sound like my high school.

I wonder how evil they are, or if they're just skinny and pretty. So many questions for those crazy Australians.

Because going to the doc now is so much fun

As China will be hosting the Olympics, the Chinese have decided to make the country a little easier to understand. By that, I mean lots of official signage will be translated from Chinese into English. I'm guessing we'll be getting stories like this for a while, confirming that Chinese and English are not similar languages, and that there are too many subtleties to make for quick and easy translations. Verdict: go see your OB/GYN before you leave our country, and don't wait for your arrival in China.

Wedding Madness, part one


This weekend I traveled up to Bakersfield for a wedding (clearly the bride and groom did not agree with my suggestion that Bakersfield was a poor locale, and had it there anyway). So we all make it into town on Friday night, and after copious drinking in our hotel rooms, we meandered down to Club Odyssey. We picked this place because all the great reviews it got - "greatest hotspot in Bakersfield" type reviews. Oh, I forgot to mention that this place was also handily located in the Doubletree Hotel, where we were staying. Needless to say, this place was sad. Giant tv screen playing CMT constantly (which was obviously a highlight), tiny bar, weird seating area, dance floor, pool tables, oh, and a dance cage. Plus, on Friday at 11:00 p.m. there were maybe 10 people there.

Saturday, we decided to go get manicures and pedicures so we could look our best for the wedding. We had an experience so horrible and time consuming that we ended up fighting with the manicurists, only getting one service each, and tipping less than 10%. But, there were highlights. There was a woman getting a spa pedicure who brought her two children. One was an obnoxious 4 year old running around the salon, and the other was a baby, maybe weeks old. It was said that this child was a fetus. Either way, it was creepy and kind of gross. There's fumes in these places! And, she could have dropped that miniature thing in the pedicure water, and that would have been bad. Second highlight: there were two elderly Asian people in the salon, basically observing what was going on. The woman hovered over my pedicurist, and the male hovered over R's manicurist, in a creepy way. Finally, an older and very chatty customer asked who they were and was told they were her manicurist's aunt and uncle, and had only recently landing in the US. The woman then said, in a slow and loud voice, "Welcome to America" with a nice shoulder pat. I guess you had to be there.

At this point we hit up a Subway and confirm that every person in Bakersfield is ugly and obese.

We return to our room, only to realize that it was 90 degrees, and that not only was our air conditioner broken, our television was broken. It was actually cooler on our mini patio than in our room, and the whining ensued. Also, when I checked in, I discovered that they had give us a room with one king size bed rather than 2 doubles. When I called, they said we had only "expressed a preference" for doubles, and that they were out. Luckily, we got a FREE roll away cot! Thank you, Doubletree.

The ceremony was lovely, and we proceeded to the Stockdale Country Club for the reception. Country Clubs are always a great wedding choice, and this place was pretty fabulous, as reception locales go. There was a movie theme, and we sat at the When Harry Met Sally table, and our gift was flavored popcorn, which was tasty. Best part: we were served filet minion with a mushroom demi glace, roasted asparagus and garlic red mashed potatoes. It was by FAR the best wedding food I've ever had, and I was basically ill from eating so damn much of it. Also, the slide show was really cute, and I was in it. Thus, I was pleased.

After the reception we re-congregated at Club Odyssey (according to the radio, famous people perform there), laughed at possible prostitutes and this girl from South Carolina in a glittery gold dress very suitable for Las Vegas. We then barely slept through another sweat-soaked night in our non-air conditioned hotel, and proceeded back to our towns not surrounded by cows. We didn't even get our promised free breakfast (for the broken a/c) because we weren't able to get up in time. Oops.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Eating organic

There are so many reasons to love Whole Foods. The first and most obvious reason - I'm white. Like, super white. But when you go inside, it is a mecca of all things fabulous, and I always want to raid the store. If there was a riot and people were looting - I'd loot Whole Foods because I can't really afford to shop there regularly. That's how much I love it.

The second reason to love Whole Foods? They love us so much that their checkers don't use cell phones on the job. Whole Foods 1, Safeway 0.
I'm guessing that means they might pay more than minimum wage. I'll have to do some research about that. For now, I think they're also beating out Trader Joe's, if only because they are three times larger. I like options with my organic produce.

Now, instead of only raving about Whole Foods, I'll move on to organic food in general, because I found a funny article. Apparently, white people love eating organic so much that they are starting pricey private schools that feature environmentally friendly products and organic foods. Now, I recycle as much as the next girl (thank you, city of Irvine, for going through my trash for me), but this seems a little bit ridiculous. I think that maybe elementary schools shouldn't have vending machines for soda and Snickers, but I'm sure I wasn't harmed by those funky rectangle pizzas and chicken nuggets. Plus, I wouldn't have gotten through high school without that coffee vending machine in the main building. Some people enjoy processed food!

Verdict: $13,000.00 a year is too much to spend to ensure your kids eat organic daily.

Rice famine?

Apparently there is some huge rice crisis, and America is about to have to do without. Wait, what? Isn't rice, like, everywhere? With all those rice paddies over in Asia (I remember the photographs from my history textbooks) and in the old timey south (rice, cotton and tobacco were the major Southern exports in the Antebellum South) you'd think rice would be around forever. This can't be like Ireland with the potato famine because we aren't some miniature island lacking the ability to grow crops in the freaking 1800s.

But, apparently, this is. According to Reuters, Sam's Club is now limiting the sale of Jasmine, Basmati, and long grain white rice. I know that Jasmine and Basmati and fancier (and served at my favorite Indian restaurants - shout out to the Tandoori Oven in Campbell!!!), but long grain white? Is Uncle Ben's long grain white? I mean, those orange bags take up almost an entire aisle at your friendly neighborhood grocery, and are a staple in many cultures' diets.

The big question: how is this tied to rising gas prices? Because I say it has to be.

Also, talking about rice reminds me of other good things:

Thursday, April 24, 2008

What did they do to Tina?

I adore Tina Fey; I'll start out with that. She was the only funny person on SNL for a while, she wrote and appeared in one of my favorite Lindsay Lohan vehicles (Mean Girls, in case you don't actually know me), and she is all over 30 Rock. If you haven't seen 30 Rock because you actually live under one, get ready to live. That said, I'm planning on seeing Baby Mama even though it looks kind of lame. I really think Tina Fey can do no wrong. Except for letting Marie Claire do this to her. Luckily, Jezebel made the post fun for me (click on the picture to enlarge because the lettering is minuscule).
Now I'll comment on the comments. The first and best: "those damn Belenciaga gladiator sandals and more ways to look like you're at Burning Man." Gladiator sandals aren't flattering. On anyone. I had this argument the other day, and I'm pretty sure I won. Get some strappy sandals or heels and be done with it. Save the gladiator sandals for the uglies over at American Gladiator. Next: "quitting = the new black." And I thought we were limited to the color wheel. My bad. And finally: "the [boring] hair issue ... 38 pages of L'Oreal ads. If it weren't just so true, I wouldn't have shot diet pepsi out of my nose laughing so hard.

p.s. Tina needs a new photographer or stylist or retoucher for her next cover shoot. Maybe all three.

Cleavage kissing

So we've all seen these great promotional pictures for Gossip Girl, and maybe thought they were a little risque for a teen show (well, not me, but it went around the net a bit). Apparently, some parents out there are upset about the picture because it uses "cleavage kissing ... to hype [a] kids' show." I bet these are the same parents that think abstinence only sex ed is the way to go. I've heard such good things about that, so I'm sure they're onto something.

My favorite thing about this is that the detractors of the advertising keep insisting that Gossip Girl is a kids' show. Yes, it's on at 8:00 p.m. (poor choice, CW), but it is clearly not for kids. Any decent parent would know that - sex, drugs, lying, and thieving are not exactly Sponge Bob Square Pants themes. Kids should be watching Disney and Nickelodeon, and looking up to Miley Cyrus as a role model (ummmm nevermind on that one). But seriously, parents knew that Beverly Hills, 90210 had adult themes. Yes, at 12 I was allowed to watch it (because my dad had no clue about what I watched, aside from assuming it was trash), but I knew enough to know the themes were adult. I knew the show wasn't really directed at me.

And not to sound like the lamest person, but One Tree Hill has sex, drugs, teen marriage, teen pregnancy, fratricide, gambling addiction, school shootings and more and no one calls that out for being too adult for it's "kid" audience. Again - parents should be exerting a little more control over the remote. I hear they have programs to block channels - imagine! [stepping off of soapbox now]

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Why the terrorists hate us

Americans are huge fat pigs. We have so much, and we consume so much, and the terrorists are both jealous and disgusted by us. No, this isn't a post about terrorists, or war, or politics. Surprise, surprise .... it's a post about fat doggies!! This is ridiculous:This poor fat dog! I came across this picture because, apparently, there is a cure for fat dogs! No, your giant dog doesn't need something simple like less food and more exercise (I hear that works with humans, actually), but needs ... prescription drugs! Duh, why didn't I think of that? Here I am thinking dogs should just go to the park and run around or something, and eat less (which should be easy as they don't exactly have opposable thumbs and access to the kibble bag). When all along, there was Sentrol just waiting to suppress puppy appetites.

Also, there is apparently a right and wrong kind of exercise for dogs. Running around in a park is unstructured play, and apparently very bad. Doggie treadmills, underwater activities, and begging (core abdominal muscles, people!) are structured and good exercise.

Don't tell me you didn't learn anything new today.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Earth Day

Normally April 22 is just another day of the year with no particular meaning. Well, I make sure I recycle all my cans, and I try a little harder not to litter. But today I came across this picture of Bette Midler doing good for the environment:After I smiled in amusement, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes. "Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees. Josh, why don't you just hire a gardener?"
You're welcome.

(and by tagging this post as a celebrity crush, I'm more referencing Paul Rudd and Alicia Silverstone than the early '90s Marky Mark. Although Mark Wahlberg is definitely bangable)

Justin Bobby's prodigal return

Ready for my take on this week's installment of the Hills? Here we go!
  • Lo's hair looks fabulous! I love the purty curls. She usually does nothing with it, so I give the change two huge thumbs up.
  • I love the way Lo says words: cotton with the "t"s majorly emphasized. It's adorable.
  • Heidi wants to have a Girls' Night. Wasn't that last week? "Old water under the bridge?" Clever, Heidi.
  • Oh no! They've spotted each other! And there's a Justin Bobby sighting! Where to focus attention?!?
  • What is up with She-Spencer's hair? Mine looks better than that at 5 am in Vegas, and I'm not trying to make it look fabulous for tv. Poor girl.
  • And...Justin Bobby crashes the table. I wonder if he showered...
  • This reminds me of tonight's How I Met Your Mother when Robin ran into Dawson and was blind to his douchebaggery (double credit to Julie and RJ). Justin Bobby's so skeevy! And she's still staring at him all googly-eyed. I just don't get it at all. I wonder if he has a job...
  • Lauren is not pleased that Audrina and Justin Bobby are hanging out again. Or that Audrina and Heidi are hanging out again. Poor Lauren.
  • Favorite line of the night, as said by Spencer Pratt (while Heidi whines about Lauren being cold to her): "I can't believe you would go to a club where she was even there"
  • Dumbass Spencer. He's rude to Heidi, refuses to listen (although yes, her stories are gay), then follows up with: "You look great!"
  • Clearly Lo and Lauren do not want Audrina in their new house. Those sideways glances are a classy move (and one I've been known to do as well). Looks like we have a good set up for the next season! p.s. Lauren: that knit hat is disgusting. I never want to see it again.
  • The end (Verdict: pretty weak episode)
  • Wait for it - Stephen's back!! And I was just watching him on OTH, and thinking he should return. Thank you, MTV, for reading my mind.

Monday, April 21, 2008

O.M.F.G.

Clearly I stole this picture from a site that stole it from New York Magazine, and I'm not smart enough to not give them the credit/blurb on the bottom. I have no plans to post with any regularity on my fave addiction, but with the premiere episode tonight I think I can make an exception. First of all - this article made it all over the blogosphere (I just barfed typing that, I apologize), and apparently tweens everywhere have been catching up on the series and gearing up for tonight's episode. I'm posting because of the last five minutes of the show. Jenny showing up with Nate at Butter - golden. I really thought Blair had won back her title right up until then. Such great bitchiness to come! It's Kelly and Brenda, 2.0 and I'm fully on the bandwagon.

Out with the old, in with the new

Jesse Metcalf... the first picture is from his young and innocent days back as the slutty gardener on Desperate Housewives. The second is from a recent photo shoot, where Jesse has decided to put on his big boy panties and throw on some dark sunglasses with his newly tattooed body with the hairy chest. Intriguing, no? While I'm not wholly convinced here, I think it's an improvement. That overly waxed look he had going was entirely too gay/Olympic swimmer for me. Verdict: I'd do him.

Oh Jim. How I heart you



Apparently I lied when I said I wouldn't be posting videos. This just reminded me of why I fell in lurve with Jim Halpert back in the day (which was a Wednesday, btw). While some of his expressions can be a little over the top, there is just such a convincing combination of shock, awe, amusement, bemusement, and cringing for me to smile whenever Jim is on camera. I'd so pick him over Roy.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

A Cinderella Story

I'm currently watching Pretty Woman on TBS (they always know what I want to watch, I swear they're mind readers), and it got me to thinking. When I was a kid, I used to want to be Vivian (Julia Roberts' character, in case you haven't seen it in a while). Like, we used to compete over who was allowed to name their Barbie Vivian, until one of us got a red-headed Barbie and got to keep the bragging rights forever. I know - great story. If you have time, I'll tell it again. Irregardless, Gary Marshall did something magical with this movie. He was able to convince millions of young girls (I know I wasn't alone in this) that even if they actually became a hooker in Hollywood with cracked out friends, a rich and successful man (with a midgety, boorish friend), would come and rescue them, literally on a white horse. Plus, I wanted the clothes. The dress she wears to watch the polo match I'd still buy and wear in a heartbeat. With the hat, natch.
Sorry, I couldn't quickly find a full length picture that had the dress, as I'm lazy and didn't look very hard. But this should trigger a memory of the dress and it's fabulosity. Oh, I also love this movie because it reminds me of how fuckable Richard Gere is, despite the whole gerbil rumor. He was a hottie back in the day! (ok, ok, I'd still do him) Also, I think it might have introduced the idea that if you aren't being kissed (on the mouth) during sex, your partner might be thinking that you are a prostitute. Ok, well probably not literally. Is it universally true that prostitutes refuse to kiss on the mouth? My limited experience in the field (i.e., watching Pretty Woman) says yes, but I'm guessing that's probably not true. And on the other end of the spectrum, I've had sex without kissing, and I know I'm not a prostitute. So there!

Point is, I pretty much cannot come across this movie on tv without watching it all the way through. Just like Clueless, and a few others.

Veronica Mars



Although I do love a funny video, I really don't plan on posting too many of them (I think my faithful reader is unable to watch my videos at work, which takes so much of the fun out). However, this video is an excuse for me to talk about Kristen Bell for a while, and I've been awaiting such an opportunity. If you aren't familiar with Kristen, then I haven't done my part. I've been willing to go a little gay for her for years now, since I first discovered her on Veronica Mars. Now for my Veronica pitch (because I want everyone to buy it on DVD now) with bullet reasons of why you should be watching:
  • The IMDB show description is: "After her best friend is murdered and her father is removed as county sheriff, Veronica Mars dedicates her life to cracking the toughest mysteries in the affluent town of Neptune." Ok, I know that sounds like some horrible show on Nickelodeon for tweens. It's not.
  • Veronica is smart, sassy, has a great relationship with her dad, takes crap from nobody, and looks fabulous while doing it.
  • She dates Logan Echolls, whose dad is a famous movie star (Harry Hamlin), mom is the wife of a movie star (Lisa Rinna), and sister is a wanna be actress (Allyson Hannigan).
  • Charisma Carpenter (of Buffy fame) joins in the second season and is constantly in a bikini.
  • She may be midgety (technically, she's 5'1"), but she's so spunky!
  • The writing on this show is very smart and quick, and it's probably the second-most-quoted show on my Myspace.
  • There's an episode where she karaokes to Blondie's "One Way Or Another" (she's getting to the bottom of her high school's secret society similar to Yale's Skull & Bones)
  • The soundtrack f-ing rocks. I swear.
  • Kristen's great on Heroes, which means she must have been great on Veronica Mars.
Ok, I'll stop with my Veronica Mars lovefest. I just miss it.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

The Brothers' Grimm

Yes, we all recognize Matthew Lawrence front and center in this picture. A) you know him as Joey Lawrence's (whoa!) little brother and B) you've likely already seen this post on one of the million gossip sites that posted it. I'm going to credit Gawker for the pic, since I yanked it from them. I love this picture because it has fucking Ben Savage!!!! I adore the Savage brothers because I grew up watching the Wonder Years, and, later, Boy Meets World. Even I had a crush on Topanga. Actually, to be fair, I had the biggest crush on Shawn, even though his career has been on a saaaaad trajectory of late (Buck Naked Arson, anyone?). I just wanted to share this little blast from the past, because my tiny, shriveled and blackened heart skipped a beat when I saw this photo. Someone bring my Savage boys back to tv!

I bought a black apartment



This might be one of my favorite scenes from 30 Rock. While I am never one to drunk dial (I'm being serious people! I really don't), I've seen enough of my friends succumb to the temptation of the phone when combined with an unfortunate amount of alcohol. My only issue is how long it takes Liz Lemon to get through her two bottles of wine. I'd finish those off while composing my thoughts for the first phone call! As a disclaimer, I will say that most of the people I know can't down two bottles of wine by themselves. It either makes me mega cool ... or an alcoholic. I'll keep you posted. Besides, am I the only one who has moved on to the new drunk dialing - drunk texting?

Cake Day



A few things about this clip, and the idea of Hillary/Obama/Edwards on Stephen Colbert on Thursday night (yes, I know I'm a few days late - I've been busy drinking!).
  • Hillary needs to stop trying to be personable and funny. She's not, and that's fine because she comes with Bill, who clearly is. I hear he never forgets a name. Like, 10 years later. Amazing.
  • Obama's funny. And, yes, manufactured political distractions SHOULD be placed on notice.
  • Why is Edwards out of the race? I keep forgetting because I love him so much! He's very smart, pretty cute (if you ignore the almost-Donald-Trump hair), smiles with his eyes, he's a lawyer (yea us!!), he's got an accent, and a pretty great sense of humor. It's about time we had a president that I could laugh with, and not at. Right?
  • Why did I stop tivoing the Colbert Report? Time to throw it back in the rotation, especially now that it's election season. How am I going to form my political opinions if Colbert (oh, and Jon Stewart) don't tell me what to think?
  • Word of the day: truthiness.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Vintage Posters

Who doesn't love old-timey advertisements, movie posters, tv shows, etc.? Back when Americans were so innocent (or ignorant, if you go far enough back). I found this poster on Jezebel, and it made me think of the great ads I've read in the past. Namely, stuff like this:


But hey, I'm talking about porn, sorry for getting distracted back there. Look how PG movie ads used to be! For starters, this girl isn't anorexic, so that's nice. Also, it's a drawing! I <3 drawings. They have imagination, fun lighting, color, and they're cute. I'm especially enjoying the sexual innuendo (which is necessary, what with this being a porno). However, were I creating the poster, I think that I would have referenced a nooner at some point. Just for funsies. Then again, I like going for the easy joke. Also, as cartoon boobs go - hers are pretty great. Just saying. Finally, she this chick looks like she knows how to have a good time:

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Drinks with the president?


I'm not about to start espousing my political views on this site (well, not yet, anyway) but I was doing some online reading about tonight's debate. Well, I think it was tonight's debate; I didn't watch it because America's Next Top Model was on. Anyway, apparently this weekend Hillary had a shot of whiskey in some midwest farm town "bar." This prompted a college student at the debate to ask McCain:

"I was wondering if you think that she's finally resorted to hitting the sauce just because of some unfavorable polling. And I was also wondering if you would care to join me for a shot after this?"

A couple things to mention:
  • Who says, "hitting the sauce"? The kind of college student that would attend a debate? I don't know, I didn't realize my dad was writing questions.
  • Maybe it's the same person who thinks that drinking with McCain would be fun. Does he look like a fun guy to party with? Um, no. He's old. Old people are not fun (and to quote myself from work today, they can't type or use computers either).
  • I'd ask Hillary to drink because I'd hope she'd bring Bill with her. And you know that he'd be a good time in a bar.
  • Now I want a drink. Sigh.

Glamour girls

That Fergie is just everywhere these days! I was really hoping there would be an article this month detailing her meth habit and love for Josh Duhamel, so I guess I'm in luck. I really just liked the way Jezebel dissected the headlines on this cover, which is the real reason for this posting. In particular, I enjoyed the two minute cancer test (yes, I'm smart enough to know that tanning beds cause cancer, and no, I'm not smart enough to stop going to them). Also, I'm glad that Glamour is having an Orgasm Q&A. I feel like so often women's magazines don't provide instruction on how to orgasm, and that's just really sad. When in doubt, I recommend Jezebel's suggestion (vibrator, in case you find the picture format confusing). It's times like these I'm just happy that I have Glamour in my corner, asking the tough questions. Although if they have one more "sex expert" remind me that that "everyone is different" I might have to give up on sex altogether. Ok, ok, that was a fat lie.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Then what IS snooping?

If you haven't visited Postcards From Yo Momma yet, do it now. I guarantee you will recognize your mom in one of these crazies. Although some moms are clearly crazier than others. For example:

"Well, I went ahead and found your W2 online and filed your taxes. It doesn’t count as snooping, since you weren’t calling me back and I couldn’t wait any longer. You will get a refund. Maybe next year you can do this yourself.
Love, Mamu"

Ok, I'm probably lazier than the next girl, and would happily hand over my W2s to my parents to take care of (although they'd laugh me out of the room if I were to try it). However. I would seriously kill the same parents were they to "find" my W2 (be it online or elsewhere) and do my taxes for me. Irregardless of whether I return a call, I do not expect/anticipate/accept my parents just doing my taxes for me. But then again, at what age is that considered inappropriate? My parents also don't pay for my rent/car/bills/insurance, and I have a few friends (my age) who can't say the same. Does that mean that Mom is filing taxes too? Not that I'm judging (well maybe a little). But, is this a case of parents doing to much for their kids, or going overboard with the ridiculous amounts of snooping, or both? Because while I can picture a certain friend actually expecting her parents to file her taxes, I'm pretty sure she'd flip out if they just "found" her W2. Isn't that like a diary, or credit card bills, or medical charts, which are not meant for the general public?

Then again, this anonymous poster got a refund, and I can't say the same. Maybe if my parents had found my tax info online, they would have found me money too.

Douche bag alert

Ok, I feel like I need a disclaimer at this point: I am not completely obsessed with the Hills. Generally, it's only my Monday night guilty pleasure (well, that and the glass of wine that I have with it). However, when I spotted this on tmz, I felt the need to share. All right, I have to admit, I think Justin Bobby is the greatest addition to the Hills. He is the consummate douche bag. Plus, Audrina wears that hilarious helmet whenever he's around, and we're reminded that she has that bizarre neck tattoo.

Anyway - why am I posting this? Here's what tmz has to say: "The Johnny Depp wanna-be (sans charisma, manners and a brain) has landed a gig posing for Orthodox, a sporty men's wear label. Think it's ambitious for Mr. Bobby to land a job on his own - fear not, Orthodox is a division of People's Revolution - the place Whitney, and now LC, 'work.'"

Yes, I know the show is scripted. And it is painfully more obvious in every episode. But ... do they have to throw it in our faces? Come on mtv, give us a little credit! And give Justin Bobby some shampoo.

Second chances

So I was just reading about Ashton's first time (don't ask why), and I got this gem: “I was 15. It was out in the woods with a girl I had just met who my buddy set me up with. The whole thing lasted two seconds. It was really awkward. Two years later I had sex with her again just to show her the first performance was a fluke and I’d gotten better.”

So that got me to thinking. Anybody who knows me knows that I wasn't 15 for my first time. I'm actually a little proud of the fact that I held on to my V-Card all the way up until college. Month 2. Point being, I remember it being ... well ... not good. Not horrifically bad or anything, but nothing I'd write home about (assuming I would write letters home detailing my sexual exploits). Would I want to do it again to prove that I could do better? Would he? I can tell you right now that if I saw him on the street, I'd just keep right on walking and likely wouldn't even stop to say hello (don't feel bad for him, it wasn't his first time). I'm pretty sure he wouldn't stop either (although I do look better than I did then). I think that answers that - I have no desire to show him what I've learned in the intervening years.

However, there was this one really bad awkward kiss back when I was 13. Cutest boy in my grade - the one that got away. I'd do that over in a heartbeat. You, know, if his wife didn't mind.

Oh, and btw - this picture really has nothing to do with the above. I just like men in cowboy hats. As I like to say, "save a horse, ride a cowboy."

Monday, April 14, 2008

Eating with the enemy


Yes, I know, everyone (and their mother) does blog postings about the Hills. But how can you not? Here's where you get my $0.02 on the episode (plus screen caps! I'm a computer genius). Also, here is where I'd like to lament the loss of one of the greatest reality personalities of our time: Elodie Otto.
  • Shiny leggings, Heidi, really? No. Am I the only person who still hates leggings with every fiber in their being?
  • It's ok though, because Heidi's "gaining herself again." Sigh. It's comments like that that make me think watching this show kills brain cells.
  • I read somewhere that Lauren looks like Marcia Brady - good call!
  • Poor lonely Spencer, before crashing girls' night out:
  • Also, poop sandwich with a side of crap slaw goes to Spencer's chin pubes. EW.
  • Why are no boobies allowed at People's Revolution? I mean, the "all black" thing is ok, but no boobies? I'm putting my foot down. Boobies look great, and she works in fashion!
  • Wait, is it not ok for your boyfriend-who-you're-on-a-break-from to take shots with random girls in a bar? Am I really not judgmental/jealous enough in this situation? If I were one for shots (which I'm not), I would happily take shots with guys in a bar...even if I had a boyfriend that I wasn't on a break from. Is it different for a girl (because in theory, the drinks would be free for me, whereas said boyfriend would likely be buying shots for these chicks)? Are shots the new cheating? I feel so lost. Instruct me, Heidi!
  • I'm sorry, we're now calling it "relationship vacation?" I think I just threw up in my mouth.
  • Lately, Lauren needs some hair assistance. It's always just so disheveled! And I know that it can be adorable. And you know she's spending at least three times as much as I am to get her hair done regularly, and I show up to work regularly with stellar hair. Sad for her.
  • Is Heidi's co-worker Kimberly channeling Kate Moss? It's not a good look for anyone.
  • Wait, what? Kelly Cutrone wants her models to smile? That's a new one for me.
  • Lauren got a job?!? Amazing - she has no work ethic! And that one chick looked like she wanted to cry at the news. I love it! Plus - Lauren and Whitney together again ... it doesn't get any better than that. I was already missing Whitney's facial expressions.
  • The End.
  • Wait!! There's scenes for next week - more Justin Bobby? I've missed him so much. A house with Lo but without Audrina??? So much scandal. Until next week...

Here goes nothing

So. In an attempt to keep myself from filling out Myspace surveys on a daily basis, I decided that maybe I should put my skills to use elsewhere. And hey, everyone's blogging - I can too! So far, this is all more daunting than I really expected. For starters, I'm kind of computer illiterate. I mean, I have a Myspace profile, and it even has pictures and surveys on it, and a colored background...once I even managed to post a glittery item on another page. Beyond that - it's like I'm stuck back in 1998 and everyone's discovering ICQ and I'm only mastering AIM on AOL (and proud of it, mind you!).

From what little thought I've put into this blog thus far, I think I'll spend most of my time writing about random things that happen to me, how much I hate people and things that happen near me, items I stumble across online, and maybe things I would buy if I had money. At some point, you, my faithful reader(s?) will "discover" that I am mean, shallow, judgmental, impatient, and possibly hateful. But, in case I haven't told you yet, I already know I'm going to hell. I figure there's a special place/level just for me, and I've got my handbasket all picked out. I'm even decorating it. I'm thinking cashmere on the inside, and a hand-knit cozy on the outside. Any thoughts on a color scheme?