Monday, June 16, 2008

I'm in love...

...with David Beckham. Like every other red blooded woman in America. I'd even put up with his kids (there's a nanny ... and they are seriously adorable. They breakdance!). But seriously. Check this out:Yes, I took the image from Perez Hilton. Also - were I to make Becks fall in love with me (or have me be his piece on the side, I'm not picky) would I get courtside Lakers finals seats? Galaxy tickets? World Cup tickets to watch him play for England? I think I just died thinking about that.

Dangers of one night stands

I know you're thinking: damn it, she's about to lecture about STDs (or STIs or VD or whatever the hell we're calling them these days [note: I only ever speak of gonorrhea - because it's funny]) or pregnancy, but no worries! The latest thing that should be going through your mind if you're eying that certain hottie at the bar: if I don't call her after this night, will she show up somewhere and sear me with a branding iron??

Some crazy bitch in New York enlisted the help of her now-boyfriend to lure some poor one night stand from years earlier to a hotel room, then proceeded to brand the guy with a 24 inch high "R" (no one knows what the "R" stands for - it's not obvious like the "A" in Scarlet Letter). She was just sentenced to five years, as was the now boyfriend.

NYC Woman Gets 5 Years for Branding Ex-Lover
Dude Doesn't Call Woman Back, Woman Decides to Brand Him

Vintage Livi's

I love old timey items. Take, for instance, old Levi's ads. Apparently in the good old days, men were very active. And women, well, enjoyed leisure (as do I). For example, men like rodeos. And ropes. And horses:While women like... picnicking? Clearly, Levi's didn't ask for my opinion. While I enjoy a life of leisure (well, being lazy), picnicking ranks pretty low. Near camping. Why, you ask? Well, you're outdoors. Hiking may be required. Food is not fresh. Chances are, ants and other bugs will be rampant. Blankets are rarely large enough for "lounging" properly. Most importantly, there is no way she can sit down in those pants, or do anything else. I mean, she could hit a few balls in those clothes, or be a farmer in those clothes... but that's about it!Then we have this gem. Forget the hair, the glasses, the colors, the stripes, the turtlenecks, and all that is wrong with the men. What is happening with the chick in the background? What is she loving about these guys? I'm so very confused.This all just makes me want to say: no thank you, Levi's.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Role model of the day: Lisa Simpson

As Jezebel pointed out, Lisa is kind of adorable, with "her activism, enthusiasm for hobbies and books, love of cartoons and animals, and regard for feelings and unicorns." I mean, who doesn't love unicorns? Have you ever noticed that she might be a little feminist icon though? Check it out by linking to Jezebel because I can't find this damn video anywhere else. Sigh. And no, I don't know how to get rid of the Japanese subtitles.

Also, the Daria video they link to at the bottom of the post is fucking hilarious. Watch and reminisce.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Maybe it's the cheese

I present: more reasons to live in California. As if it wasn't clear enough already, there's evidence. In the form of charts! I heart charts.
I think it might have something to do with the weather. Experiences are great (even if you aren't a hippie).

Catering jihad

As it turns out, the Foo Fighters are funny. Just take a look at their tour rider.
Also, it turns out Dave Grohl is very particular about plastic cups. If he is this passionate on the issue, I wouldn't cross him. If we've learned anything from 9/11, it's that jihads are bad. Very very bad.

It's about damn time!

Sound familiar people? Don't think this isn't overpowering the Sex and the City movie and Indiana Jones sequel in the list of things I'm looking forward to the most.


I'm still hoping for a Shannen Doherty return.

To jump or not to jump

Washington DC is concerned that its citizens are getting a little jump happy while waiting for the train. Prompting the question: do you feel more suicidal during the morning commute or evening? You're either dreading another hellish day ahead of you, or you just left your incredibly mundane and suicide-inducing day. My issues: a) I like my job and b) jumping onto train tracks does NOT sound like a fun way to go. Just my two cents.

Anyway, to keep its citizenry on the platforms and away from the arriving trains, DC signs have games that you can play to keep you occupied. And by "games" I mean hopscotch and I-Spy. The very same games you enjoyed as a small child when your days were filled with happiness and wonder! Don't forget the logo: "Life is fun. Keep on living. Use caution around the tracks." Uh huh.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Pleasantville

Or, as I like to call it, Irvine. If you haven't been, you've probably at least heard of it. Irvine is a planned city, where homeowners' associations rule all (here's a link to a typical neighborhood). With one notable exception: the "village" of Northwood. Before I get to that, here's a little Irvine information. Irvine was incorporated in 1971, and was basically completely developed by The Irvine Company. Population as of the 2007 is 202,000, with the following racial makeup: 61% white, 1.45% black, .18% Native American, 29.8% Asian, 7.3% Hispanic/Latino. In 2006, the median gross rent paid for housing was $1,660 a month, which was the highest of any place in the United States of more than 100,000 people. The median income for a household is $84,270. All the high schools consistently rate on Newsweek's list of Top High Schools (top 4% in the nation). Finally, Irvine has been named at least three times (2005-2007) as The Safest City in the United States.

I've lived on and off in Irvine since 1995, and the running joke is that it's a "bubble" where everything looks the same, is overplanned, with no nightlife, but lots of police officers and no crime. Also, the homeowner's associations have a very firm grip. As in, my parents get letters if a plant dies in the front yard, they were required to paint the basketball hoop over the garage the same color as the house, and got a call when they only replaced one door knob of the double French doors (the second was on back order).

Knowing all this, I was surprised when my roommate and my sister went for a bikeride and came back to tell me about this crazy house they spotted (in the non-HOA village of Northwood).
It's like a mini castle. And it might be abandoned (black windows, half of which are boarded up), and I guess there was some scary child molester van parked out back. Also, I hear there are torches. Why? Makes no sense. Even three story houses don't makes sense in this neighborhood. And now, from the cul-de-sac behind the house:Finally, the crazy lot of this house:
Point is, Irvine is KNOWN for not allowing this kind of craziness to exist. Clearly I find this interesting, and I'm sure you do not. I will resume normal cheesy blogging shortly.

Monday, May 12, 2008

He may be a douchebag...

But his video is hysterical. Plus there's a Kristen Bell cameo (and everyone knows how much I love her).

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The internetz

I will fully admit it: I am technologically challenged. I was the last to join Myspace and Facebook, I don't know anything about HTML code (except how to create paragraphs on Myspace), I'm incapable of figuring out why my laptop won't show YouTube videos anymore, and I'm not even sure I could steal music online if I wanted to (I have an irrational fear of being arrested and fined hundreds of thousands of dollars for downloading Britney Spears, so I kind of refuse to try). Recently, I've made strides in this arena. I started a blog (obvs), I set up Google Reader so
that I can organize all the sites I go to, I learned how to make screencaps, and I've heard of Twitter. I was happy with my little situation, when I learned that apparently we are now using a version of the web called 2.0, and version 3.0 is in the works. What the hell does that mean? It can't be like when you get a message asking you to download version 13.4 of AIM and suddenly you have the capability of combining all IM conversations into one window.

"[T]he Web 3.0 browser will act like a personal assistant. As you search the Web, the browser learns what you are interested in. The more you use the Web, the more your browser learns about you and the less specific you'll need to be with your questions. Eventually you might be able to ask your browser open questions like 'where should I go for lunch?' Your browser would consult its records of what you like and dislike, take into account your current location and then suggest a list of restaurants."

"Some Internet experts believe the next generation of the Web — Web 3.0 — will make tasks like your search for movies and food faster and easier. Instead of multiple searches, you might type a complex sentence or two in your Web 3.0 browser, and the Web will do the rest. In our example, you could type "I want to see a funny movie and then eat at a good Mexican restaurant. What are my options?" The Web 3.0 browser will analyze your response, search the Internet for all possible answers, and then organize the results for you."

I can't be the only person freaked out by this. Yes, in theory, it sounds cool and smart. But in reality - it kind of feels like something out of a sci-fi movie. Like, my computer could become smarter than me and try to kill me. I can figure out my own movies and Mexican restaurants (using yahoo and yelp, of course) with my computer only doing some minor assisting. Last time a computer tried to predict my interests, I ended up with my Tivo recording golf tournaments, Baseball Tonight, and some Spanish soap opera (I know like four words of Spanish). Stupid technology.

Drinking and driving

I should probably start off by saying that I'm against it. Ever see that billboard on the way back from Palm Springs that says, "tipsy driving is the same as drunk driving"? I even kind of agree with it! But, of course, we've all had that experience where we clearly shouldn't have driven home but did it anyway, only to wake up the next morning with no idea how you got home or where your car is. Of course, it's safely tucked away in your garage/carport/parking spot, and you feel like you might have magical powers and that you are that one person who is invincible and just should be driving at all times. Just me? Ok. For every one of those, there's the morning where you realize that your car has a dent it that it definitely didn't have when you left your house the day before, or maybe you blow out your two tires when you hit a median on the way home. Still just me? I could keep going like this Daniel Tosh style until there is just one person in the room still laughing, but I won't. Because I have a point. Two, actually. First, this ad (clearly paid for by some alcohol type company and I think is about opposing ignition interlocks [which obviously are a grand idea]) spells Lindsay Lohan's name wrong. Look closely. That's just fucking stupid, as you know this thing isn't cheap (full page ad in USA Today). Second, why are they encouraging drunk driving? Even friendly happy hour ads shouldn't encourage it - they should team up with cab companies! I'm so disturbed...

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream

In case you couldn't tell from my Ben & Jerry's free cone day post, I LOVE ice cream. A lot. And when I read that Mr. Robbins of Baskin Robbins died at age NINETY the other day, I decided it was ok for me to eat ice cream. Instead of apples - a cone a day will keep the doctor away, right? Then I found this article about the ten worst ice cream flavors of all time. In case you don't want to read it (but it's funny, so you should), I'll recap.
  1. Wasabi ginger - from Cold Stone. "What am I supposed to mix in, chunks of fish?"
  2. Fish - "What am I supposed to mix in, wasabi?"
  3. Black licorice - hey, I can't even drink Jagger. Or eat fennel.
  4. Wheat - I'll take it in carb form, thanks.
  5. Pit viper - just, no.
  6. Raw horseradish - if it's not on my tri tip or Arby's sandwich, I'm not interested.
  7. Tomato - I can't even eat tomato soup.
  8. Charcoal - that's not even a food.
  9. Viagra - just take it in pill form.
  10. Salad - ice cream is fattening, stop pretending. "It just makes it the most retarded thing you could ever try and market to fatties."
Now I'm really wishing I was capable of keeping ice cream in my freezer. But I'm not, so I have nothing to go snack on to get the idea of salad ice cream out of my head.

Feminine Hygeine


Read further at your own risk; this is about to be girly and gross. I found this horrific article the other day, and after being completely repulsed, I had a whole thought process involving tampons. Then tampons versus pads, and why one would choose one over the other. Then the vague fear of toxic shock syndrome, which I still think might be fake. I'd write more on this subject, but I think I would just freak myself out (and my reader) and that's just unnecessary. Read the article, if you aren't squeamish, and then just think about it. Being a girl sucks.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Booooooring



This will be short because this episode was such a waste of tv time that I don't even want to recap. It barely even set anything up for the finale! In summary: Audrina is a sad third wheel, Justin Bobby has short hair but still looks like he doesn't shower, Lo and Lauren got a dog, and Audrina is not one of its mommies, Spiedi still vie for camera time, and um ... that's it. Oh yeah, Lo has great facial expressions and is obviously breaking up the Audrina/Lauren duo.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Miller Lite: Better than 72 virgins

Not that I think I'll be getting into heaven (which generally doesn't concern me as I don't think many of my friends would be there either and I bet the parties are cooler in hell), but I think/hope it might be like this:

Cat people

So some people have cats. I really have no feelings on cats one way or the other, as long as they don't hate me. But I get why people love them, own them, etc. However, it's one thing to own a cat, and love your cat, and an entirely other thing to get your cat an attachable desk tray so that they can be near you and not on your laptop. That's "scary cat lady with hundreds of cats found eating her body weeks after her death" weird.

FYI - dogs don't want to sit on your laptop. They are fine just being near you, not annoying you. However, dogs also have weird and annoying owners with websites devoted to cute pet pictures of the day. People: start reading blogs instead.

Those crazy Brits

Yes, we are all familiar with Facebook. I hear all the kids are into it these days. Unfortunately, I can safely say that over half of my friends don't even have accounts (and thus I can't follow their doings). I found this great video on the web and felt the need to share (it's only like 30 seconds, don't worry).

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Free Cone Day

Everyone get down to your local Ben and Jerry's at some point today for your free cone. We have to support our local businesses giving out free food, or they might start to think we don't appreciate them (and we wouldn't want that!). I'm partial to the Coffee Heath Bar Crunch, but obviously there are tons of tasty flavors to choose from. Mmmmm.

Where is your loyalty?

I've missed seeing Stephen Colletti on a regular basis. His short appearances on One Tree Hill and occasional picture in US Weekly because he used to date Hayden Panettiere (before she started dating Milo Ventimiglia, twelve years her senior [fun fact: he went to HS with my roommate]) just don't cut it. And now, onto the show!
  • They make entirely too much money - this house is fabulous. I'm sorry, there's a guest house?!? And a sun room? I need to be an MTV reality star.
  • Lo's shocked look when Lauren says Stephen is in town - Lo is totally the new Whitney with the expressions.
  • Spencer's always at the coffeehouse because he's unemployed. And lame.
  • Stephanie called out Spencer on family loyalty! This storyline is getting soooo old. Yes, you all hate each other and wish that nobody you knew would hang out with each other. Get over it already.
  • Again, their house is ridonculous!
  • Oooooh Audrina's face when Lauren questioned the Justin Bobby invite - classic. Combination embarrassed, mad, unsure, and, well, embarrassed.
  • Brody brought a juicer. Intriguing. And his new girlfriend seems like a complete wet blanket (but hot, obviously).
  • Stephanie is a liar - there is no way she actually thought that Heidi would be ok with her being at the housewarming party. But Heidi now sounds just like Spencer. It's eerie.
  • Stephen made it - and he brought...rice cakes? What the hell is that present?
  • I love that they always call Justin Bobby Audrina's ex. They are on more than they are off. And, look, haircut! I guess he needed it to get rid of all vestiges of lice.
  • Why is Lauren wearing a ponytail at her party? It's not even a dressy ponytail. Sigh.
  • Lauren looks really cute in that dress. The hair I'm a little less sure of. Braids are a tough look to pull off, and generally make me think of 8 year olds at ballet practice. I kind of like it on her, though.
  • Clearly they are on the outs with Audrina - not even visiting her in the guest house? Ouch.
  • Aw, poor LC - Stephen wants to keep it platonic and just friends. Crushed look on her face? Check. I think they should just have sex already and up the ante. I'm guessing they've barely kissed.
  • Lo is wearing a UCLA shirt. Which is only weird because she went to UCSB for a while ... I'd say at least a season (I mean, year). Is she in school now? Does she have a job? Will we ever have these great looming questions answered?
  • Here's the great thing about roommates. You get home from a date/non-date, and you get to chat with your roommie about it over ice cream out of the carton. That is precisely why I'm not jumping on the bandwagon to live alone. Eating ice cream out of the carton by yourself just seems a little sadder.
  • Next week: A puppy, Audrina wants to move out already, Spencer gets kicked out, and Heidi in Vegas?

Monday, April 28, 2008

Dumpster diving


"Your good friend has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic." - Miranda

Those of you who have know me since I first got myspace should know that a) whenever I take a SATC quiz, I'm Miranda and b) this quote was on my page for a while. I was reminded of this particular episode when I found this gem on Jezebel today. And I had the unfortunate reminder that I've tossed food away, only to later change my mind. And by change my mind, I mean stand over the trash can wondering if my tasty treat had touched anything that I should be worried about and whether there was anything in the house that would satisfy whatever weird craving I was having that was making me stare wistfully into my trash, or near it (sometimes if I can't decide if I'm done with something I place it near the trash). Usually, I'll decide that I can't throw away perfectly good food - after all, there are starving children in Africa/India/China/the south. Luckily, this is something I haven't done in a while (mainly because I stopped throwing food away, not because I let it stay in the garbage).

After this piece I started linking around to other, related, Jezebel posts. First, we discuss dumb things that people do to lose weight. This all came about from a Glamour article on "scary celeb diet secrets" where my personal favorite was "stay locked in the gym....and then LIE about it." Perhaps I just don't identify with this one. If I'm going to the gym, I'm bragging about it, not hiding it. But then again, I'm not a celeb with 24 hours in the day to do nothing but workout, Biggest Loser style. Having just watched my roommate go through the Master Cleanse (or part of it, anyway), I can join the Jezebel writers in mocking all of these silly weight loss methods (I hear eating less and exercising work wonders!). Oh, and the "not eating" option cracks me up because I have no clue how people do that. I love food. A lot. Plus, I have no willpower and I have issues with self-indulgence.

Moving on to Alli, the new weight loss pill that is supposed to work wonders. Having done my due diligence here, I found the side effects of this miracle drug:
"Treatment effects are bowel changes that are most commonly caused by eating meals with too much fat while using alli capsules. Such effects may include oily spotting, loose stools, and more frequent stools that may be hard to control.

alli works by blocking the absorption of a quarter of the fat in the foods you eat. This undigested fat passes through the body naturally, and it is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza."

Sorry about that; hope you didn't just eat. But wait, I researched more! Or rather, I let Jezebel do the researching for me. Basically, my theory that this pill is basically an oral enema was confirmed, and I was thoroughly disgusted. I'm a busy girl, and don't have hours to be hanging out in the bathroom. Especially at work, where I have co-workers. Lots of them. Also, my theory that with nothing in your system, you'll be constantly hungry. And as Jezebel says, "And if you could temper your cravings for food, would you be abusing laxatives in the first place?" Good point.

Also, what if you have no control over how your body decides to, uh, expel your waste? EW. Apparently, Tyra Banks may or may not have some type of laxative addiction. If you're carrying out spare clothes just in case you have an "accident" at fashion week, you might be taking too many laxatives. It's like the opposite of Elvis' problem where all of his pills (amphetamines and barbiturates if memory serves) caused him to literally be full of shit. Two hospitalized colon blockages in 1975? Gross.

Moral of the story: eat normal food, leave stuff you've already tossed in your garbage can, and get some exercise. Also, avoid laxatives unless you have a private bathroom.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Girls gone bitchy

I just heard that at a Catholic school in Brisbane, Australia, junior girls started what they call the "21 Club." Apparently you are ranked based on who is skinniest and prettiest, and thus fatties and the fugly are not included. Oh, the ranking is somehow worn on your wrist (bracelet, maybe?). Wasn't high school hard enough without the "hottest" girls essentially telling everyone that they were the hottest? Or, we could move on to my issue with this club: 21 girls! All in agreement, and in the same clique? That definitely doesn't sound like my high school.

I wonder how evil they are, or if they're just skinny and pretty. So many questions for those crazy Australians.

Because going to the doc now is so much fun

As China will be hosting the Olympics, the Chinese have decided to make the country a little easier to understand. By that, I mean lots of official signage will be translated from Chinese into English. I'm guessing we'll be getting stories like this for a while, confirming that Chinese and English are not similar languages, and that there are too many subtleties to make for quick and easy translations. Verdict: go see your OB/GYN before you leave our country, and don't wait for your arrival in China.

Wedding Madness, part one


This weekend I traveled up to Bakersfield for a wedding (clearly the bride and groom did not agree with my suggestion that Bakersfield was a poor locale, and had it there anyway). So we all make it into town on Friday night, and after copious drinking in our hotel rooms, we meandered down to Club Odyssey. We picked this place because all the great reviews it got - "greatest hotspot in Bakersfield" type reviews. Oh, I forgot to mention that this place was also handily located in the Doubletree Hotel, where we were staying. Needless to say, this place was sad. Giant tv screen playing CMT constantly (which was obviously a highlight), tiny bar, weird seating area, dance floor, pool tables, oh, and a dance cage. Plus, on Friday at 11:00 p.m. there were maybe 10 people there.

Saturday, we decided to go get manicures and pedicures so we could look our best for the wedding. We had an experience so horrible and time consuming that we ended up fighting with the manicurists, only getting one service each, and tipping less than 10%. But, there were highlights. There was a woman getting a spa pedicure who brought her two children. One was an obnoxious 4 year old running around the salon, and the other was a baby, maybe weeks old. It was said that this child was a fetus. Either way, it was creepy and kind of gross. There's fumes in these places! And, she could have dropped that miniature thing in the pedicure water, and that would have been bad. Second highlight: there were two elderly Asian people in the salon, basically observing what was going on. The woman hovered over my pedicurist, and the male hovered over R's manicurist, in a creepy way. Finally, an older and very chatty customer asked who they were and was told they were her manicurist's aunt and uncle, and had only recently landing in the US. The woman then said, in a slow and loud voice, "Welcome to America" with a nice shoulder pat. I guess you had to be there.

At this point we hit up a Subway and confirm that every person in Bakersfield is ugly and obese.

We return to our room, only to realize that it was 90 degrees, and that not only was our air conditioner broken, our television was broken. It was actually cooler on our mini patio than in our room, and the whining ensued. Also, when I checked in, I discovered that they had give us a room with one king size bed rather than 2 doubles. When I called, they said we had only "expressed a preference" for doubles, and that they were out. Luckily, we got a FREE roll away cot! Thank you, Doubletree.

The ceremony was lovely, and we proceeded to the Stockdale Country Club for the reception. Country Clubs are always a great wedding choice, and this place was pretty fabulous, as reception locales go. There was a movie theme, and we sat at the When Harry Met Sally table, and our gift was flavored popcorn, which was tasty. Best part: we were served filet minion with a mushroom demi glace, roasted asparagus and garlic red mashed potatoes. It was by FAR the best wedding food I've ever had, and I was basically ill from eating so damn much of it. Also, the slide show was really cute, and I was in it. Thus, I was pleased.

After the reception we re-congregated at Club Odyssey (according to the radio, famous people perform there), laughed at possible prostitutes and this girl from South Carolina in a glittery gold dress very suitable for Las Vegas. We then barely slept through another sweat-soaked night in our non-air conditioned hotel, and proceeded back to our towns not surrounded by cows. We didn't even get our promised free breakfast (for the broken a/c) because we weren't able to get up in time. Oops.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Eating organic

There are so many reasons to love Whole Foods. The first and most obvious reason - I'm white. Like, super white. But when you go inside, it is a mecca of all things fabulous, and I always want to raid the store. If there was a riot and people were looting - I'd loot Whole Foods because I can't really afford to shop there regularly. That's how much I love it.

The second reason to love Whole Foods? They love us so much that their checkers don't use cell phones on the job. Whole Foods 1, Safeway 0.
I'm guessing that means they might pay more than minimum wage. I'll have to do some research about that. For now, I think they're also beating out Trader Joe's, if only because they are three times larger. I like options with my organic produce.

Now, instead of only raving about Whole Foods, I'll move on to organic food in general, because I found a funny article. Apparently, white people love eating organic so much that they are starting pricey private schools that feature environmentally friendly products and organic foods. Now, I recycle as much as the next girl (thank you, city of Irvine, for going through my trash for me), but this seems a little bit ridiculous. I think that maybe elementary schools shouldn't have vending machines for soda and Snickers, but I'm sure I wasn't harmed by those funky rectangle pizzas and chicken nuggets. Plus, I wouldn't have gotten through high school without that coffee vending machine in the main building. Some people enjoy processed food!

Verdict: $13,000.00 a year is too much to spend to ensure your kids eat organic daily.

Rice famine?

Apparently there is some huge rice crisis, and America is about to have to do without. Wait, what? Isn't rice, like, everywhere? With all those rice paddies over in Asia (I remember the photographs from my history textbooks) and in the old timey south (rice, cotton and tobacco were the major Southern exports in the Antebellum South) you'd think rice would be around forever. This can't be like Ireland with the potato famine because we aren't some miniature island lacking the ability to grow crops in the freaking 1800s.

But, apparently, this is. According to Reuters, Sam's Club is now limiting the sale of Jasmine, Basmati, and long grain white rice. I know that Jasmine and Basmati and fancier (and served at my favorite Indian restaurants - shout out to the Tandoori Oven in Campbell!!!), but long grain white? Is Uncle Ben's long grain white? I mean, those orange bags take up almost an entire aisle at your friendly neighborhood grocery, and are a staple in many cultures' diets.

The big question: how is this tied to rising gas prices? Because I say it has to be.

Also, talking about rice reminds me of other good things:

Thursday, April 24, 2008

What did they do to Tina?

I adore Tina Fey; I'll start out with that. She was the only funny person on SNL for a while, she wrote and appeared in one of my favorite Lindsay Lohan vehicles (Mean Girls, in case you don't actually know me), and she is all over 30 Rock. If you haven't seen 30 Rock because you actually live under one, get ready to live. That said, I'm planning on seeing Baby Mama even though it looks kind of lame. I really think Tina Fey can do no wrong. Except for letting Marie Claire do this to her. Luckily, Jezebel made the post fun for me (click on the picture to enlarge because the lettering is minuscule).
Now I'll comment on the comments. The first and best: "those damn Belenciaga gladiator sandals and more ways to look like you're at Burning Man." Gladiator sandals aren't flattering. On anyone. I had this argument the other day, and I'm pretty sure I won. Get some strappy sandals or heels and be done with it. Save the gladiator sandals for the uglies over at American Gladiator. Next: "quitting = the new black." And I thought we were limited to the color wheel. My bad. And finally: "the [boring] hair issue ... 38 pages of L'Oreal ads. If it weren't just so true, I wouldn't have shot diet pepsi out of my nose laughing so hard.

p.s. Tina needs a new photographer or stylist or retoucher for her next cover shoot. Maybe all three.

Cleavage kissing

So we've all seen these great promotional pictures for Gossip Girl, and maybe thought they were a little risque for a teen show (well, not me, but it went around the net a bit). Apparently, some parents out there are upset about the picture because it uses "cleavage kissing ... to hype [a] kids' show." I bet these are the same parents that think abstinence only sex ed is the way to go. I've heard such good things about that, so I'm sure they're onto something.

My favorite thing about this is that the detractors of the advertising keep insisting that Gossip Girl is a kids' show. Yes, it's on at 8:00 p.m. (poor choice, CW), but it is clearly not for kids. Any decent parent would know that - sex, drugs, lying, and thieving are not exactly Sponge Bob Square Pants themes. Kids should be watching Disney and Nickelodeon, and looking up to Miley Cyrus as a role model (ummmm nevermind on that one). But seriously, parents knew that Beverly Hills, 90210 had adult themes. Yes, at 12 I was allowed to watch it (because my dad had no clue about what I watched, aside from assuming it was trash), but I knew enough to know the themes were adult. I knew the show wasn't really directed at me.

And not to sound like the lamest person, but One Tree Hill has sex, drugs, teen marriage, teen pregnancy, fratricide, gambling addiction, school shootings and more and no one calls that out for being too adult for it's "kid" audience. Again - parents should be exerting a little more control over the remote. I hear they have programs to block channels - imagine! [stepping off of soapbox now]

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Why the terrorists hate us

Americans are huge fat pigs. We have so much, and we consume so much, and the terrorists are both jealous and disgusted by us. No, this isn't a post about terrorists, or war, or politics. Surprise, surprise .... it's a post about fat doggies!! This is ridiculous:This poor fat dog! I came across this picture because, apparently, there is a cure for fat dogs! No, your giant dog doesn't need something simple like less food and more exercise (I hear that works with humans, actually), but needs ... prescription drugs! Duh, why didn't I think of that? Here I am thinking dogs should just go to the park and run around or something, and eat less (which should be easy as they don't exactly have opposable thumbs and access to the kibble bag). When all along, there was Sentrol just waiting to suppress puppy appetites.

Also, there is apparently a right and wrong kind of exercise for dogs. Running around in a park is unstructured play, and apparently very bad. Doggie treadmills, underwater activities, and begging (core abdominal muscles, people!) are structured and good exercise.

Don't tell me you didn't learn anything new today.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Earth Day

Normally April 22 is just another day of the year with no particular meaning. Well, I make sure I recycle all my cans, and I try a little harder not to litter. But today I came across this picture of Bette Midler doing good for the environment:After I smiled in amusement, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes. "Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees. Josh, why don't you just hire a gardener?"
You're welcome.

(and by tagging this post as a celebrity crush, I'm more referencing Paul Rudd and Alicia Silverstone than the early '90s Marky Mark. Although Mark Wahlberg is definitely bangable)

Justin Bobby's prodigal return

Ready for my take on this week's installment of the Hills? Here we go!
  • Lo's hair looks fabulous! I love the purty curls. She usually does nothing with it, so I give the change two huge thumbs up.
  • I love the way Lo says words: cotton with the "t"s majorly emphasized. It's adorable.
  • Heidi wants to have a Girls' Night. Wasn't that last week? "Old water under the bridge?" Clever, Heidi.
  • Oh no! They've spotted each other! And there's a Justin Bobby sighting! Where to focus attention?!?
  • What is up with She-Spencer's hair? Mine looks better than that at 5 am in Vegas, and I'm not trying to make it look fabulous for tv. Poor girl.
  • And...Justin Bobby crashes the table. I wonder if he showered...
  • This reminds me of tonight's How I Met Your Mother when Robin ran into Dawson and was blind to his douchebaggery (double credit to Julie and RJ). Justin Bobby's so skeevy! And she's still staring at him all googly-eyed. I just don't get it at all. I wonder if he has a job...
  • Lauren is not pleased that Audrina and Justin Bobby are hanging out again. Or that Audrina and Heidi are hanging out again. Poor Lauren.
  • Favorite line of the night, as said by Spencer Pratt (while Heidi whines about Lauren being cold to her): "I can't believe you would go to a club where she was even there"
  • Dumbass Spencer. He's rude to Heidi, refuses to listen (although yes, her stories are gay), then follows up with: "You look great!"
  • Clearly Lo and Lauren do not want Audrina in their new house. Those sideways glances are a classy move (and one I've been known to do as well). Looks like we have a good set up for the next season! p.s. Lauren: that knit hat is disgusting. I never want to see it again.
  • The end (Verdict: pretty weak episode)
  • Wait for it - Stephen's back!! And I was just watching him on OTH, and thinking he should return. Thank you, MTV, for reading my mind.

Monday, April 21, 2008

O.M.F.G.

Clearly I stole this picture from a site that stole it from New York Magazine, and I'm not smart enough to not give them the credit/blurb on the bottom. I have no plans to post with any regularity on my fave addiction, but with the premiere episode tonight I think I can make an exception. First of all - this article made it all over the blogosphere (I just barfed typing that, I apologize), and apparently tweens everywhere have been catching up on the series and gearing up for tonight's episode. I'm posting because of the last five minutes of the show. Jenny showing up with Nate at Butter - golden. I really thought Blair had won back her title right up until then. Such great bitchiness to come! It's Kelly and Brenda, 2.0 and I'm fully on the bandwagon.

Out with the old, in with the new

Jesse Metcalf... the first picture is from his young and innocent days back as the slutty gardener on Desperate Housewives. The second is from a recent photo shoot, where Jesse has decided to put on his big boy panties and throw on some dark sunglasses with his newly tattooed body with the hairy chest. Intriguing, no? While I'm not wholly convinced here, I think it's an improvement. That overly waxed look he had going was entirely too gay/Olympic swimmer for me. Verdict: I'd do him.