Where is your loyalty?

I've missed seeing Stephen Colletti on a regular basis. His short appearances on One Tree Hill and occasional picture in US Weekly because he used to date Hayden Panettiere (before she started dating Milo Ventimiglia, twelve years her senior [fun fact: he went to HS with my roommate]) just don't cut it. And now, onto the show!

• They make entirely too much money - this house is fabulous. I'm sorry, there's a guest house?!? And a sun room? I need to be an MTV reality star.
• Lo's shocked look when Lauren says Stephen is in town - Lo is totally the new Whitney with the expressions.
• Spencer's always at the coffeehouse because he's unemployed. And lame.
• Stephanie called out Spencer on family loyalty! This storyline is getting soooo old. Yes, you all hate each other and wish that nobody you knew would hang out with each other. Get over it already.
• Again, their house is ridonculous!
• Oooooh Audrina's face when Lauren questioned the Justin Bobby invite - classic. Combination embarrassed, mad, unsure, and, well, embarrassed.
  
• Brody brought a juicer. Intriguing. And his new girlfriend seems like a complete wet blanket (but hot, obviously).
• Stephanie is a liar - there is no way she actually thought that Heidi would be ok with her being at the housewarming party. But Heidi now sounds just like Spencer. It's eerie.
• Stephen made it - and he brought...rice cakes? What the hell is that present?
• I love that they always call Justin Bobby Audrina's ex. They are on more than they are off. And, look, haircut! I guess he needed it to get rid of all vestiges of lice.
• Why is Lauren wearing a ponytail at her party? It's not even a dressy ponytail. Sigh.
• Lauren looks really cute in that dress. The hair I'm a little less sure of. Braids are a tough look to pull off, and generally make me think of 8 year olds at ballet practice. I kind of like it on her, though.
• Clearly they are on the outs with Audrina - not even visiting her in the guest house? Ouch.
• Aw, poor LC - Stephen wants to keep it platonic and just friends. Crushed look on her face? Check. I think they should just have sex already and up the ante. I'm guessing they've barely kissed.
  
• Lo is wearing a UCLA shirt. Which is only weird because she went to UCSB for a while ... I'd say at least a season (I mean, year). Is she in school now? Does she have a job? Will we ever have these great looming questions answered?
  
• Here's the great thing about roommates. You get home from a date/non-date, and you get to chat with your roommie about it over ice cream out of the carton. That is precisely why I'm not jumping on the bandwagon to live alone. Eating ice cream out of the carton by yourself just seems a little sadder.
• Next week: A puppy, Audrina wants to move out already, Spencer gets kicked out, and Heidi in Vegas?
  

Cleavage kissing

So we've all seen these great promotional pictures for Gossip Girl, and maybe thought they were a little risque for a teen show (well, not me, but it went around the net a bit). Apparently, some parents out there are upset about the picture because it uses "cleavage kissing ... to hype [a] kids' show." I bet these are the same parents that think abstinence only sex ed is the way to go. I've heard such good things about that, so I'm sure they're onto something.

My favorite thing about this is that the detractors of the advertising keep insisting that Gossip Girl is a kids' show. Yes, it's on at 8:00 p.m. (poor choice, CW), but it is clearly not for kids. Any decent parent would know that - sex, drugs, lying, and thieving are not exactly Sponge Bob Square Pants themes. Kids should be watching Disney and Nickelodeon, and looking up to Miley Cyrus as a role model (ummmm nevermind on that one). But seriously, parents knew that Beverly Hills, 90210 had adult themes. Yes, at 12 I was allowed to watch it (because my dad had no clue about what I watched, aside from assuming it was trash), but I knew enough to know the themes were adult. I knew the show wasn't really directed at me.

And not to sound like the lamest person, but One Tree Hill has sex, drugs, teen marriage, teen pregnancy, fratricide, gambling addiction, school shootings and more and no one calls that out for being too adult for it's "kid" audience. Again - parents should be exerting a little more control over the remote. I hear they have programs to block channels - imagine! [stepping off of soapbox now]

O.M.F.G.

Clearly I stole this picture from a site that stole it from New York Magazine, and I'm not smart enough to not give them the credit/blurb on the bottom. I have no plans to post with any regularity on my fave addiction, but with the premiere episode tonight I think I can make an exception. First of all - this article made it all over the blogosphere (I just barfed typing that, I apologize), and apparently tweens everywhere have been catching up on the series and gearing up for tonight's episode. I'm posting because of the last five minutes of the show. Jenny showing up with Nate at Butter - golden. I really thought Blair had won back her title right up until then. Such great bitchiness to come! It's Kelly and Brenda, 2.0 and I'm fully on the bandwagon.

Out with the old, in with the new

Jesse Metcalf... the first picture is from his young and innocent days back as the slutty gardener on Desperate Housewives. The second is from a recent photo shoot, where Jesse has decided to put on his big boy panties and throw on some dark sunglasses with his newly tattooed body with the hairy chest. Intriguing, no? While I'm not wholly convinced here, I think it's an improvement. That overly waxed look he had going was entirely too gay/Olympic swimmer for me. Verdict: I'd do him.

A Cinderella Story

I'm currently watching Pretty Woman on TBS (they always know what I want to watch, I swear they're mind readers), and it got me to thinking. When I was a kid, I used to want to be Vivian (Julia Roberts' character, in case you haven't seen it in a while). Like, we used to compete over who was allowed to name their Barbie Vivian, until one of us got a red-headed Barbie and got to keep the bragging rights forever. I know - great story. If you have time, I'll tell it again. Irregardless, Gary Marshall did something magical with this movie. He was able to convince millions of young girls (I know I wasn't alone in this) that even if they actually became a hooker in Hollywood with cracked out friends, a rich and successful man (with a midgety, boorish friend), would come and rescue them, literally on a white horse. Plus, I wanted the clothes. The dress she wears to watch the polo match I'd still buy and wear in a heartbeat. With the hat, natch.
Sorry, I couldn't quickly find a full length picture that had the dress, as I'm lazy and didn't look very hard. But this should trigger a memory of the dress and it's fabulosity. Oh, I also love this movie because it reminds me of how fuckable Richard Gere is, despite the whole gerbil rumor. He was a hottie back in the day! (ok, ok, I'd still do him) Also, I think it might have introduced the idea that if you aren't being kissed (on the mouth) during sex, your partner might be thinking that you are a prostitute. Ok, well probably not literally. Is it universally true that prostitutes refuse to kiss on the mouth? My limited experience in the field (i.e., watching Pretty Woman) says yes, but I'm guessing that's probably not true. And on the other end of the spectrum, I've had sex without kissing, and I know I'm not a prostitute. So there!

Point is, I pretty much cannot come across this movie on tv without watching it all the way through. Just like Clueless, and a few others.

I bought a black apartment

This might be one of my favorite scenes from 30 Rock. While I am never one to drunk dial (I'm being serious people! I really don't), I've seen enough of my friends succumb to the temptation of the phone when combined with an unfortunate amount of alcohol. My only issue is how long it takes Liz Lemon to get through her two bottles of wine. I'd finish those off while composing my thoughts for the first phone call! As a disclaimer, I will say that most of the people I know can't down two bottles of wine by themselves. It either makes me mega cool ... or an alcoholic. I'll keep you posted. Besides, am I the only one who has moved on to the new drunk dialing - drunk texting?

Vintage Posters

Who doesn't love old-timey advertisements, movie posters, tv shows, etc.? Back when Americans were so innocent (or ignorant, if you go far enough back). I found this poster on Jezebel, and it made me think of the great ads I've read in the past. Namely, stuff like this:


But hey, I'm talking about porn, sorry for getting distracted back there. Look how PG movie ads used to be! For starters, this girl isn't anorexic, so that's nice. Also, it's a drawing! I <3 drawings. They have imagination, fun lighting, color, and they're cute. I'm especially enjoying the sexual innuendo (which is necessary, what with this being a porno). However, were I creating the poster, I think that I would have referenced a nooner at some point. Just for funsies. Then again, I like going for the easy joke. Also, as cartoon boobs go - hers are pretty great. Just saying. Finally, she this chick looks like she knows how to have a good time:

Glamour girls

That Fergie is just everywhere these days! I was really hoping there would be an article this month detailing her meth habit and love for Josh Duhamel, so I guess I'm in luck. I really just liked the way Jezebel dissected the headlines on this cover, which is the real reason for this posting. In particular, I enjoyed the two minute cancer test (yes, I'm smart enough to know that tanning beds cause cancer, and no, I'm not smart enough to stop going to them). Also, I'm glad that Glamour is having an Orgasm Q&A. I feel like so often women's magazines don't provide instruction on how to orgasm, and that's just really sad. When in doubt, I recommend Jezebel's suggestion (vibrator, in case you find the picture format confusing). It's times like these I'm just happy that I have Glamour in my corner, asking the tough questions. Although if they have one more "sex expert" remind me that that "everyone is different" I might have to give up on sex altogether. Ok, ok, that was a fat lie.

Second chances

So I was just reading about Ashton's first time (don't ask why), and I got this gem: “I was 15. It was out in the woods with a girl I had just met who my buddy set me up with. The whole thing lasted two seconds. It was really awkward. Two years later I had sex with her again just to show her the first performance was a fluke and I’d gotten better.”

So that got me to thinking. Anybody who knows me knows that I wasn't 15 for my first time. I'm actually a little proud of the fact that I held on to my V-Card all the way up until college. Month 2. Point being, I remember it being ... well ... not good. Not horrifically bad or anything, but nothing I'd write home about (assuming I would write letters home detailing my sexual exploits). Would I want to do it again to prove that I could do better? Would he? I can tell you right now that if I saw him on the street, I'd just keep right on walking and likely wouldn't even stop to say hello (don't feel bad for him, it wasn't his first time). I'm pretty sure he wouldn't stop either (although I do look better than I did then). I think that answers that - I have no desire to show him what I've learned in the intervening years.

However, there was this one really bad awkward kiss back when I was 13. Cutest boy in my grade - the one that got away. I'd do that over in a heartbeat. You, know, if his wife didn't mind.

Oh, and btw - this picture really has nothing to do with the above. I just like men in cowboy hats. As I like to say, "save a horse, ride a cowboy."