I'm Cut Off? No, YOU'RE Cut Off!

Hopefully, I'm not the only one here that has loved and lost. And by that, I mean: watched You're Cut Off and is now sad that the finale has come and gone. In all my reality television viewing, to this day I have never seen more bickering. Specifically, bickering over absolutely nothing. It was almost poetic to watch. Here's a pic of the ladies, in case you just have to know. After eight weeks in their house (yeah, right, I believe that) their loved ones had to decide if they'd changed enough to be allowed to come back home. Some of us at home were moved to tears (I stubbed my toe, don't judge). While certain blogs have actually taken the time to deconstruct each episode in their entirety, I wouldn't even know how to get screen grabs. My biggest concern throughout each episode was Leanne's extensions. I gave my Barbie better extensions by shaving Skipper's hair and gluing it to Barbie, so I know of where I speak. I can't believe that she actually paid somebody to do that to her head. I'm convinced it was all some sort of arty-James Franco-esque event, or maybe even a bet or a dare. Worst case, somebody paid her to have her hair look that bad on national television. Even Myammee's potential hair extension business had better looking extensions. She would dream of Ken Pave's extensions. It was a virtual train wreck. Now, onto the really good reality shows - Jersey Shore premiers tonight!

Booooooring

This will be short because this episode was such a waste of tv time that I don't even want to recap. It barely even set anything up for the finale! In summary: Audrina is a sad third wheel, Justin Bobby has short hair but still looks like he doesn't shower, Lo and Lauren got a dog, and Audrina is not one of its mommies, Spiedi still vie for camera time, and um ... that's it. Oh yeah, Lo has great facial expressions and is obviously breaking up the Audrina/Lauren duo.

Where is your loyalty?

I've missed seeing Stephen Colletti on a regular basis. His short appearances on One Tree Hill and occasional picture in US Weekly because he used to date Hayden Panettiere (before she started dating Milo Ventimiglia, twelve years her senior [fun fact: he went to HS with my roommate]) just don't cut it. And now, onto the show!

• They make entirely too much money - this house is fabulous. I'm sorry, there's a guest house?!? And a sun room? I need to be an MTV reality star.
• Lo's shocked look when Lauren says Stephen is in town - Lo is totally the new Whitney with the expressions.
• Spencer's always at the coffeehouse because he's unemployed. And lame.
• Stephanie called out Spencer on family loyalty! This storyline is getting soooo old. Yes, you all hate each other and wish that nobody you knew would hang out with each other. Get over it already.
• Again, their house is ridonculous!
• Oooooh Audrina's face when Lauren questioned the Justin Bobby invite - classic. Combination embarrassed, mad, unsure, and, well, embarrassed.
  
• Brody brought a juicer. Intriguing. And his new girlfriend seems like a complete wet blanket (but hot, obviously).
• Stephanie is a liar - there is no way she actually thought that Heidi would be ok with her being at the housewarming party. But Heidi now sounds just like Spencer. It's eerie.
• Stephen made it - and he brought...rice cakes? What the hell is that present?
• I love that they always call Justin Bobby Audrina's ex. They are on more than they are off. And, look, haircut! I guess he needed it to get rid of all vestiges of lice.
• Why is Lauren wearing a ponytail at her party? It's not even a dressy ponytail. Sigh.
• Lauren looks really cute in that dress. The hair I'm a little less sure of. Braids are a tough look to pull off, and generally make me think of 8 year olds at ballet practice. I kind of like it on her, though.
• Clearly they are on the outs with Audrina - not even visiting her in the guest house? Ouch.
• Aw, poor LC - Stephen wants to keep it platonic and just friends. Crushed look on her face? Check. I think they should just have sex already and up the ante. I'm guessing they've barely kissed.
  
• Lo is wearing a UCLA shirt. Which is only weird because she went to UCSB for a while ... I'd say at least a season (I mean, year). Is she in school now? Does she have a job? Will we ever have these great looming questions answered?
  
• Here's the great thing about roommates. You get home from a date/non-date, and you get to chat with your roommie about it over ice cream out of the carton. That is precisely why I'm not jumping on the bandwagon to live alone. Eating ice cream out of the carton by yourself just seems a little sadder.
• Next week: A puppy, Audrina wants to move out already, Spencer gets kicked out, and Heidi in Vegas?
  

Justin Bobby's prodigal return

Ready for my take on this week's installment of the Hills? Here we go!

• Lo's hair looks fabulous! I love the purty curls. She usually does nothing with it, so I give the change two huge thumbs up.
• I love the way Lo says words: cotton with the "t"s majorly emphasized. It's adorable.
• Heidi wants to have a Girls' Night. Wasn't that last week? "Old water under the bridge?" Clever, Heidi.
• Oh no! They've spotted each other! And there's a Justin Bobby sighting! Where to focus attention?!?
• What is up with She-Spencer's hair? Mine looks better than that at 5 am in Vegas, and I'm not trying to make it look fabulous for tv. Poor girl.
• And...Justin Bobby crashes the table. I wonder if he showered...
• This reminds me of tonight's How I Met Your Mother when Robin ran into Dawson and was blind to his douchebaggery (double credit to Julie and RJ). Justin Bobby's so skeevy! And she's still staring at him all googly-eyed. I just don't get it at all. I wonder if he has a job...
  
• Lauren is not pleased that Audrina and Justin Bobby are hanging out again. Or that Audrina and Heidi are hanging out again. Poor Lauren.
  
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• Favorite line of the night, as said by Spencer Pratt (while Heidi whines about Lauren being cold to her): "I can't believe you would go to a club where she was even there"
• Dumbass Spencer. He's rude to Heidi, refuses to listen (although yes, her stories are gay), then follows up with: "You look great!"
• Clearly Lo and Lauren do not want Audrina in their new house. Those sideways glances are a classy move (and one I've been known to do as well). Looks like we have a good set up for the next season! p.s. Lauren: that knit hat is disgusting. I never want to see it again.
  
• The end (Verdict: pretty weak episode)
• Wait for it - Stephen's back!! And I was just watching him on OTH, and thinking he should return. Thank you, MTV, for reading my mind.
  

Douche bag alert

Ok, I feel like I need a disclaimer at this point: I am not completely obsessed with the Hills. Generally, it's only my Monday night guilty pleasure (well, that and the glass of wine that I have with it). However, when I spotted this on tmz, I felt the need to share. All right, I have to admit, I think Justin Bobby is the greatest addition to the Hills. He is the consummate douche bag. Plus, Audrina wears that hilarious helmet whenever he's around, and we're reminded that she has that bizarre neck tattoo.

Anyway - why am I posting this? Here's what tmz has to say: "The Johnny Depp wanna-be (sans charisma, manners and a brain) has landed a gig posing for Orthodox, a sporty men's wear label. Think it's ambitious for Mr. Bobby to land a job on his own - fear not, Orthodox is a division of People's Revolution - the place Whitney, and now LC, 'work.'"

Yes, I know the show is scripted. And it is painfully more obvious in every episode. But ... do they have to throw it in our faces? Come on mtv, give us a little credit! And give Justin Bobby some shampoo.

Eating with the enemy

Yes, I know, everyone (and their mother) does blog postings about the Hills. But how can you not? Here's where you get my $0.02 on the episode (plus screen caps! I'm a computer genius). Also, here is where I'd like to lament the loss of one of the greatest reality personalities of our time: Elodie Otto.

• Shiny leggings, Heidi, really? No. Am I the only person who still hates leggings with every fiber in their being?
• It's ok though, because Heidi's "gaining herself again." Sigh. It's comments like that that make me think watching this show kills brain cells.
  
• I read somewhere that Lauren looks like Marcia Brady - good call!
• Poor lonely Spencer, before crashing girls' night out:

• Also, poop sandwich with a side of crap slaw goes to Spencer's chin pubes. EW.
  
• Why are no boobies allowed at People's Revolution? I mean, the "all black" thing is ok, but no boobies? I'm putting my foot down. Boobies look great, and she works in fashion!
  
• Wait, is it not ok for your boyfriend-who-you're-on-a-break-from to take shots with random girls in a bar? Am I really not judgmental/jealous enough in this situation? If I were one for shots (which I'm not), I would happily take shots with guys in a bar...even if I had a boyfriend that I wasn't on a break from. Is it different for a girl (because in theory, the drinks would be free for me, whereas said boyfriend would likely be buying shots for these chicks)? Are shots the new cheating? I feel so lost. Instruct me, Heidi!
  
• I'm sorry, we're now calling it "relationship vacation?" I think I just threw up in my mouth.
  
• Lately, Lauren needs some hair assistance. It's always just so disheveled! And I know that it can be adorable. And you know she's spending at least three times as much as I am to get her hair done regularly, and I show up to work regularly with stellar hair. Sad for her.
• Is Heidi's co-worker Kimberly channeling Kate Moss? It's not a good look for anyone.
• Wait, what? Kelly Cutrone wants her models to smile? That's a new one for me.
• Lauren got a job?!? Amazing - she has no work ethic! And that one chick looked like she wanted to cry at the news. I love it! Plus - Lauren and Whitney together again ... it doesn't get any better than that. I was already missing Whitney's facial expressions.
• The End.
• Wait!! There's scenes for next week - more Justin Bobby? I've missed him so much. A house with Lo but without Audrina??? So much scandal. Until next week...