Vintage Livi's

I love old timey items. Take, for instance, old Levi's ads. Apparently in the good old days, men were very active. And women, well, enjoyed leisure (as do I). For example, men like rodeos. And ropes. And horses:While women like... picnicking? Clearly, Levi's didn't ask for my opinion. While I enjoy a life of leisure (well, being lazy), picnicking ranks pretty low. Near camping. Why, you ask? Well, you're outdoors. Hiking may be required. Food is not fresh. Chances are, ants and other bugs will be rampant. Blankets are rarely large enough for "lounging" properly. Most importantly, there is no way she can sit down in those pants, or do anything else. I mean, she could hit a few balls in those clothes, or be a farmer in those clothes... but that's about it!Then we have this gem. Forget the hair, the glasses, the colors, the stripes, the turtlenecks, and all that is wrong with the men. What is happening with the chick in the background? What is she loving about these guys? I'm so very confused.This all just makes me want to say: no thank you, Levi's.

Girls gone bitchy

I just heard that at a Catholic school in Brisbane, Australia, junior girls started what they call the "21 Club." Apparently you are ranked based on who is skinniest and prettiest, and thus fatties and the fugly are not included. Oh, the ranking is somehow worn on your wrist (bracelet, maybe?). Wasn't high school hard enough without the "hottest" girls essentially telling everyone that they were the hottest? Or, we could move on to my issue with this club: 21 girls! All in agreement, and in the same clique? That definitely doesn't sound like my high school.

I wonder how evil they are, or if they're just skinny and pretty. So many questions for those crazy Australians.

Wedding Madness, part one

This weekend I traveled up to Bakersfield for a wedding (clearly the bride and groom did not agree with my suggestion that Bakersfield was a poor locale, and had it there anyway). So we all make it into town on Friday night, and after copious drinking in our hotel rooms, we meandered down to Club Odyssey. We picked this place because all the great reviews it got - "greatest hotspot in Bakersfield" type reviews. Oh, I forgot to mention that this place was also handily located in the Doubletree Hotel, where we were staying. Needless to say, this place was sad. Giant tv screen playing CMT constantly (which was obviously a highlight), tiny bar, weird seating area, dance floor, pool tables, oh, and a dance cage. Plus, on Friday at 11:00 p.m. there were maybe 10 people there.

Saturday, we decided to go get manicures and pedicures so we could look our best for the wedding. We had an experience so horrible and time consuming that we ended up fighting with the manicurists, only getting one service each, and tipping less than 10%. But, there were highlights. There was a woman getting a spa pedicure who brought her two children. One was an obnoxious 4 year old running around the salon, and the other was a baby, maybe weeks old. It was said that this child was a fetus. Either way, it was creepy and kind of gross. There's fumes in these places! And, she could have dropped that miniature thing in the pedicure water, and that would have been bad. Second highlight: there were two elderly Asian people in the salon, basically observing what was going on. The woman hovered over my pedicurist, and the male hovered over R's manicurist, in a creepy way. Finally, an older and very chatty customer asked who they were and was told they were her manicurist's aunt and uncle, and had only recently landing in the US. The woman then said, in a slow and loud voice, "Welcome to America" with a nice shoulder pat. I guess you had to be there.

At this point we hit up a Subway and confirm that every person in Bakersfield is ugly and obese.

We return to our room, only to realize that it was 90 degrees, and that not only was our air conditioner broken, our television was broken. It was actually cooler on our mini patio than in our room, and the whining ensued. Also, when I checked in, I discovered that they had give us a room with one king size bed rather than 2 doubles. When I called, they said we had only "expressed a preference" for doubles, and that they were out. Luckily, we got a FREE roll away cot! Thank you, Doubletree.

The ceremony was lovely, and we proceeded to the Stockdale Country Club for the reception. Country Clubs are always a great wedding choice, and this place was pretty fabulous, as reception locales go. There was a movie theme, and we sat at the When Harry Met Sally table, and our gift was flavored popcorn, which was tasty. Best part: we were served filet minion with a mushroom demi glace, roasted asparagus and garlic red mashed potatoes. It was by FAR the best wedding food I've ever had, and I was basically ill from eating so damn much of it. Also, the slide show was really cute, and I was in it. Thus, I was pleased.

After the reception we re-congregated at Club Odyssey (according to the radio, famous people perform there), laughed at possible prostitutes and this girl from South Carolina in a glittery gold dress very suitable for Las Vegas. We then barely slept through another sweat-soaked night in our non-air conditioned hotel, and proceeded back to our towns not surrounded by cows. We didn't even get our promised free breakfast (for the broken a/c) because we weren't able to get up in time. Oops.

Eating organic

There are so many reasons to love Whole Foods. The first and most obvious reason - I'm white. Like, super white. But when you go inside, it is a mecca of all things fabulous, and I always want to raid the store. If there was a riot and people were looting - I'd loot Whole Foods because I can't really afford to shop there regularly. That's how much I love it.

The second reason to love Whole Foods? They love us so much that their checkers don't use cell phones on the job. Whole Foods 1, Safeway 0.
I'm guessing that means they might pay more than minimum wage. I'll have to do some research about that. For now, I think they're also beating out Trader Joe's, if only because they are three times larger. I like options with my organic produce.

Now, instead of only raving about Whole Foods, I'll move on to organic food in general, because I found a funny article. Apparently, white people love eating organic so much that they are starting pricey private schools that feature environmentally friendly products and organic foods. Now, I recycle as much as the next girl (thank you, city of Irvine, for going through my trash for me), but this seems a little bit ridiculous. I think that maybe elementary schools shouldn't have vending machines for soda and Snickers, but I'm sure I wasn't harmed by those funky rectangle pizzas and chicken nuggets. Plus, I wouldn't have gotten through high school without that coffee vending machine in the main building. Some people enjoy processed food!

Verdict: $13,000.00 a year is too much to spend to ensure your kids eat organic daily.

Cleavage kissing

So we've all seen these great promotional pictures for Gossip Girl, and maybe thought they were a little risque for a teen show (well, not me, but it went around the net a bit). Apparently, some parents out there are upset about the picture because it uses "cleavage kissing ... to hype [a] kids' show." I bet these are the same parents that think abstinence only sex ed is the way to go. I've heard such good things about that, so I'm sure they're onto something.

My favorite thing about this is that the detractors of the advertising keep insisting that Gossip Girl is a kids' show. Yes, it's on at 8:00 p.m. (poor choice, CW), but it is clearly not for kids. Any decent parent would know that - sex, drugs, lying, and thieving are not exactly Sponge Bob Square Pants themes. Kids should be watching Disney and Nickelodeon, and looking up to Miley Cyrus as a role model (ummmm nevermind on that one). But seriously, parents knew that Beverly Hills, 90210 had adult themes. Yes, at 12 I was allowed to watch it (because my dad had no clue about what I watched, aside from assuming it was trash), but I knew enough to know the themes were adult. I knew the show wasn't really directed at me.

And not to sound like the lamest person, but One Tree Hill has sex, drugs, teen marriage, teen pregnancy, fratricide, gambling addiction, school shootings and more and no one calls that out for being too adult for it's "kid" audience. Again - parents should be exerting a little more control over the remote. I hear they have programs to block channels - imagine! [stepping off of soapbox now]

Why the terrorists hate us

Americans are huge fat pigs. We have so much, and we consume so much, and the terrorists are both jealous and disgusted by us. No, this isn't a post about terrorists, or war, or politics. Surprise, surprise .... it's a post about fat doggies!! This is ridiculous:This poor fat dog! I came across this picture because, apparently, there is a cure for fat dogs! No, your giant dog doesn't need something simple like less food and more exercise (I hear that works with humans, actually), but needs ... prescription drugs! Duh, why didn't I think of that? Here I am thinking dogs should just go to the park and run around or something, and eat less (which should be easy as they don't exactly have opposable thumbs and access to the kibble bag). When all along, there was Sentrol just waiting to suppress puppy appetites.

Also, there is apparently a right and wrong kind of exercise for dogs. Running around in a park is unstructured play, and apparently very bad. Doggie treadmills, underwater activities, and begging (core abdominal muscles, people!) are structured and good exercise.

Don't tell me you didn't learn anything new today.

O.M.F.G.

Clearly I stole this picture from a site that stole it from New York Magazine, and I'm not smart enough to not give them the credit/blurb on the bottom. I have no plans to post with any regularity on my fave addiction, but with the premiere episode tonight I think I can make an exception. First of all - this article made it all over the blogosphere (I just barfed typing that, I apologize), and apparently tweens everywhere have been catching up on the series and gearing up for tonight's episode. I'm posting because of the last five minutes of the show. Jenny showing up with Nate at Butter - golden. I really thought Blair had won back her title right up until then. Such great bitchiness to come! It's Kelly and Brenda, 2.0 and I'm fully on the bandwagon.