Catering jihad

As it turns out, the Foo Fighters are funny. Just take a look at their tour rider.
Also, it turns out Dave Grohl is very particular about plastic cups. If he is this passionate on the issue, I wouldn't cross him. If we've learned anything from 9/11, it's that jihads are bad. Very very bad.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream

In case you couldn't tell from my Ben & Jerry's free cone day post, I LOVE ice cream. A lot. And when I read that Mr. Robbins of Baskin Robbins died at age NINETY the other day, I decided it was ok for me to eat ice cream. Instead of apples - a cone a day will keep the doctor away, right? Then I found this article about the ten worst ice cream flavors of all time. In case you don't want to read it (but it's funny, so you should), I'll recap.

1. Wasabi ginger - from Cold Stone. "What am I supposed to mix in, chunks of fish?"
2. Fish - "What am I supposed to mix in, wasabi?"
3. Black licorice - hey, I can't even drink Jagger. Or eat fennel.
4. Wheat - I'll take it in carb form, thanks.
5. Pit viper - just, no.
6. Raw horseradish - if it's not on my tri tip or Arby's sandwich, I'm not interested.
7. Tomato - I can't even eat tomato soup.
8. Charcoal - that's not even a food.
9. Viagra - just take it in pill form.
10. Salad - ice cream is fattening, stop pretending. "It just makes it the most retarded thing you could ever try and market to fatties."

Now I'm really wishing I was capable of keeping ice cream in my freezer. But I'm not, so I have nothing to go snack on to get the idea of salad ice cream out of my head.

Free Cone Day

Everyone get down to your local Ben and Jerry's at some point today for your free cone. We have to support our local businesses giving out free food, or they might start to think we don't appreciate them (and we wouldn't want that!). I'm partial to the Coffee Heath Bar Crunch, but obviously there are tons of tasty flavors to choose from. Mmmmm.

Dumpster diving

"Your good friend has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic." - Miranda

Those of you who have know me since I first got myspace should know that a) whenever I take a SATC quiz, I'm Miranda and b) this quote was on my page for a while. I was reminded of this particular episode when I found this gem on Jezebel today. And I had the unfortunate reminder that I've tossed food away, only to later change my mind. And by change my mind, I mean stand over the trash can wondering if my tasty treat had touched anything that I should be worried about and whether there was anything in the house that would satisfy whatever weird craving I was having that was making me stare wistfully into my trash, or near it (sometimes if I can't decide if I'm done with something I place it near the trash). Usually, I'll decide that I can't throw away perfectly good food - after all, there are starving children in Africa/India/China/the south. Luckily, this is something I haven't done in a while (mainly because I stopped throwing food away, not because I let it stay in the garbage).

After this piece I started linking around to other, related, Jezebel posts. First, we discuss dumb things that people do to lose weight. This all came about from a Glamour article on "scary celeb diet secrets" where my personal favorite was "stay locked in the gym....and then LIE about it." Perhaps I just don't identify with this one. If I'm going to the gym, I'm bragging about it, not hiding it. But then again, I'm not a celeb with 24 hours in the day to do nothing but workout, Biggest Loser style. Having just watched my roommate go through the Master Cleanse (or part of it, anyway), I can join the Jezebel writers in mocking all of these silly weight loss methods (I hear eating less and exercising work wonders!). Oh, and the "not eating" option cracks me up because I have no clue how people do that. I love food. A lot. Plus, I have no willpower and I have issues with self-indulgence.

Moving on to Alli, the new weight loss pill that is supposed to work wonders. Having done my due diligence here, I found the side effects of this miracle drug:
"Treatment effects are bowel changes that are most commonly caused by eating meals with too much fat while using alli capsules. Such effects may include oily spotting, loose stools, and more frequent stools that may be hard to control.

alli works by blocking the absorption of a quarter of the fat in the foods you eat. This undigested fat passes through the body naturally, and it is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza."

Sorry about that; hope you didn't just eat. But wait, I researched more! Or rather, I let Jezebel do the researching for me. Basically, my theory that this pill is basically an oral enema was confirmed, and I was thoroughly disgusted. I'm a busy girl, and don't have hours to be hanging out in the bathroom. Especially at work, where I have co-workers. Lots of them. Also, my theory that with nothing in your system, you'll be constantly hungry. And as Jezebel says, "And if you could temper your cravings for food, would you be abusing laxatives in the first place?" Good point.

Also, what if you have no control over how your body decides to, uh, expel your waste? EW. Apparently, Tyra Banks may or may not have some type of laxative addiction. If you're carrying out spare clothes just in case you have an "accident" at fashion week, you might be taking too many laxatives. It's like the opposite of Elvis' problem where all of his pills (amphetamines and barbiturates if memory serves) caused him to literally be full of shit. Two hospitalized colon blockages in 1975? Gross.

Moral of the story: eat normal food, leave stuff you've already tossed in your garbage can, and get some exercise. Also, avoid laxatives unless you have a private bathroom.

Eating organic

There are so many reasons to love Whole Foods. The first and most obvious reason - I'm white. Like, super white. But when you go inside, it is a mecca of all things fabulous, and I always want to raid the store. If there was a riot and people were looting - I'd loot Whole Foods because I can't really afford to shop there regularly. That's how much I love it.

The second reason to love Whole Foods? They love us so much that their checkers don't use cell phones on the job. Whole Foods 1, Safeway 0.
I'm guessing that means they might pay more than minimum wage. I'll have to do some research about that. For now, I think they're also beating out Trader Joe's, if only because they are three times larger. I like options with my organic produce.

Now, instead of only raving about Whole Foods, I'll move on to organic food in general, because I found a funny article. Apparently, white people love eating organic so much that they are starting pricey private schools that feature environmentally friendly products and organic foods. Now, I recycle as much as the next girl (thank you, city of Irvine, for going through my trash for me), but this seems a little bit ridiculous. I think that maybe elementary schools shouldn't have vending machines for soda and Snickers, but I'm sure I wasn't harmed by those funky rectangle pizzas and chicken nuggets. Plus, I wouldn't have gotten through high school without that coffee vending machine in the main building. Some people enjoy processed food!

Verdict: $13,000.00 a year is too much to spend to ensure your kids eat organic daily.

Rice famine?

Apparently there is some huge rice crisis, and America is about to have to do without. Wait, what? Isn't rice, like, everywhere? With all those rice paddies over in Asia (I remember the photographs from my history textbooks) and in the old timey south (rice, cotton and tobacco were the major Southern exports in the Antebellum South) you'd think rice would be around forever. This can't be like Ireland with the potato famine because we aren't some miniature island lacking the ability to grow crops in the freaking 1800s.

But, apparently, this is. According to Reuters, Sam's Club is now limiting the sale of Jasmine, Basmati, and long grain white rice. I know that Jasmine and Basmati and fancier (and served at my favorite Indian restaurants - shout out to the Tandoori Oven in Campbell!!!), but long grain white? Is Uncle Ben's long grain white? I mean, those orange bags take up almost an entire aisle at your friendly neighborhood grocery, and are a staple in many cultures' diets.

The big question: how is this tied to rising gas prices? Because I say it has to be.

Also, talking about rice reminds me of other good things: